1) What does a snail riding a turtle say?* –> A
2) A little boy and his father are attending a local football game. The boy says, “Daddy, Daddy, I gotta go wee!” The dad says, “wait until half-time.” A minute later the boy tugs at his father, “Daddy, Daddy, I gotta go wee! I gotta go wee! Really bad!” The dad says, “just hold on. Just wait a few minutes!” The boy grabs at his father again, “Daddy, Daddy, I gotta go wee! Now!” So, the father says “fine!” – and he takes him down behind the bleachers. And the kid opens his arms wide and says –> A
* To a snail, a turtle is really fast.
Note: I didn’t write either of these jokes. The first I heard in high school from phenomenal stand-up comedian Will Durst (before he was extensively political). Don’t think he wrote the joke either, though. The second joke I have no idea where I first heard it. It’s pretty old, though…